Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
