we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
