A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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