Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
