Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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