You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
