Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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