Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
