I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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