my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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