You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
