I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I need water and some morals
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
