Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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