Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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