"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
