I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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