i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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