420 ftw
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
