im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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