K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
