Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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