I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The Olympian is in my bed
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
