He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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