i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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