so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
