I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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