How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
is that a dick in a sweater?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
