I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
