Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
