Define "chronic" masturbator.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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