someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
