Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
