Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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