I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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