Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
