i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
