tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
