3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Randomize
