dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
