I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
