just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
