Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
