Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
