Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He better not be in your backpack
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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