i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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