New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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