We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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