508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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