He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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