i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just had sex bonerless
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
